It’s been a while since I last posted here. I had big plans for a writing comeback in April, but then life happened.

I lost a close friend.

So, before I resume my writing my usual type of posts, I’d like to share five poems/prose narrating the journey. This is not a loud cry for condolences, but instead, a fraction of my feelings simply expressed in words. A chronicle of grief.

 

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15:02
The phone rings.
It does that sometimes,
But it’s never this person on the line.

The phone rings.
I pick up, they talk.
I plummet into the chair.

The phone rings.
They tell me you’re gone.
…

Words fail me.

There is a new truth,
I pray it to be a lie.
I sink low in my seat,
They talk, I pick up.
The phone rings.
It’s 15:02

 

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Contrasting truths
The news.
Incontrovertibly momentous, yet seemingly inconsequential.
It is a struggle to make sense of these two harshly contrasting truths.

The world still spins,
The day to day appears mostly unchanged,
But now existence is forever devoid of you.

Gone are the days of laughter and dreams of tomorrow,
There is no further growth for us to together undergo.
Only the yesterdays remain.

The yesterdays.
Cherished times that are blurred by a grief-stricken haze.
The memory you once applauded now fails to recall these precious days.

Life is forever changed, yet
The world still spins,
Most days still look the same.

Incontrovertibly momentous, yet seemingly inconsequential.
What is there to make of this altered reality?
I do not know.

 

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I saw you today
I saw you today.
At least that’s what they told me.
It didn’t look like you.

I could recognise the blued lips,
The gently closed eyes,
The hair which had grown out since I last saw you.

But your face was altered,
The shape more rounded… I think.
I can barely recall the details.

There is one thing that sticks with me,
That which I shall never forget.
The first wail your mother let out.
It still rings in my ears.

It didn’t look like you.

I saw you today.
Songs were sung, but I couldn’t join in.
The language was foreign.

The language was foreign, but
A force transcended.
It was palpable in every breath.

Love.
My friend, you were so loved.
You still are.

It doesn’t seem real,
Still.
It didn’t look like you.

Today I saw you,
Then I left you.

Tomorrow,
The sadness truly hits.

 

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Strangers
Some old classmates gathered,
A group of relative strangers.
Faces that used to interact daily,
Drawn apart by the currents of time.

Strangers connected by a shared love.
Strangers connected by a shared grief.
They entered a church with other strangers,
Forced to say a final goodbye.

Some old friends gathered,
A group of relative strangers.
Many destined to drift apart once more,
But eternally bonded by the brokenness felt that day.

 

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The little I know
In the depths of sorrow, I know there is hope,
Even if I don’t yet feel it.

The grief which shrouds evidences love,
Love that should be expressed more.

Time will eventually make things easier,
But I know the clock to be in no haste.

The memories may be trapped in the past,
But their impact will continue to influence my future.

My friend will be missed, but never forgotten.

 

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“My grief says that I dared to love, that I allowed another to enter the very core of my being and find a home in my heart. Grief is akin to praise; it is how the soul recounts the depth to which someone has touched our lives. To love is to accept the rites of grief.”

– Francis Weller (The Wild Edge of Sorrow)