(I Mean No Disrespect #3)

This is the third part in my series looking into Yoruba respect culture.

A series birthed out of me calling every Yoruba adult I could think of to ask,

“Why do you think respect is such a fundamental part of Yoruba culture, especially when it pertains to one’s elders?”

If you haven’t already, I’d advise checking out my two previous posts. In “I Mean No Disrespect” I give some background to Yoruba respect culture and in The Origins of Respect I use the responses I got to the question to try and piece together where the traditions stemmed from.

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When questioning people about respect, I received a range of ideas and theories. However, there was one recurring topic amongst nearly everyone I spoke with. They said that the youth of today are not upholding the culture to the same degree as older generations; they are becoming more ‘disrespectful’. So, today, I’m going to try to examine this claim.

 

Symptoms of disrespect

I guess, in order for us to figure out what’s going on with this ‘disrespectful generation’ we first need to know what makes them disrespectful.

In short, for many, they are seeing a general disregard for old-school traditions and customs. People not kneeling in greetings. People talking back to their elders as if they are age-mates. People generally not holding the same high regard and honour in their conduct towards those who are senior to them.

Another attribute is the lack of referral to their wisdom. A few of my friends said that nowadays people don’t defer to their elders as much in decision-making. Why is this?

Well, we would be remiss to overlook the role that westernisation and the internet play. Having exposure to other cultures and seeing things you want to imitate will undoubtedly have an impact on behaviour. Plus, access to the internet, and thus, an unlimited source of knowledge, reduces the perceived need to consult people for advice in certain areas.

However, while this plays a role, I don’t think this is the full story.

 

“We need a reason to respect you.”

Last week, I talked about how the respect culture stemmed from the significant role of elders in the governance, knowledge preservation, and protection of the people. Respect customs were a way to acknowledge their role and responsibility in society.

However, as time progressed the traditional roles of elders diminished. The lure of having power over someone coupled with a reduced sense of responsibility towards them is a road leading to exploitation.

A call to “be respectful” can sometimes just be a thinly veiled command telling you to shut up and comply. This is something that is programmed into you from childhood and everyone I spoke to acknowledged that, to varying degrees, this notion of respect has been abused.

Arguably the biggest culprit of this is the government.

If you recall, there are three things that can earn a person special displays of respect: age, social status, and wealth. This does not mean that everyone else should be disrespected, however, there are extra rules of conduct surrounding how these people are interacted with.

Historically, Nigeria has been run by rich, upper-class, old men. The respect trinity. By questioning them, challenging them, and trying to hold them to account, you can be called disrespectful. Thus, people fall victim to a political system that they can’t challenge.

Some of my friends argue that part of this growing ‘disrespect’ seen in the younger generations is simply people trying to hold others accountable. Respect should be a two-way street, “we need a reason to respect you”.

They argue that you cannot demand respect yet liberate yourself from all the associated responsibilities. It has to be earned.

Respect can’t be demanded if it’s not also demonstrated.

 

Is it purely a generational issue?

One more thing I want to touch upon is that I don’t think the rise in ‘disrespect’ is generation bound.

Amongst the ‘grown adults’ I asked (40+ years old), there were many that said that they didn’t really ascribe to the Yoruba respect culture. Some have been sullied by what they’ve witnessed and just see it as a framework for abuse. Others just view the customs as outdated traditions.

Even those who still proudly uphold it as part of their Yoruba identity admitted that after moving overseas there are parts of the culture they’ve let go of. Even when they return to Nigeria, they don’t conduct themselves in the same manner that they previously did.

They partly attributed this to them getting older, and of course, there is the effect of exposure to alternative cultures. However, to what degree these factors play, alongside any other influences, is hard to say.

So, while it may be easy for many to point fingers at the youth and accuse them of “losing their culture”, this dissent from traditional Yoruba respect is not just in them.

(Also, just a quick side note, I always find myself slightly amused when older generations point fingers and cast blame at younger ones. I mean this in the utmost respectful manner, but aren’t you the ones who birthed and raised them? Of course, there are several external influences that contributed, but what do we really gain by finger-pointing?)

 

What does the future hold?

We are a long way away from the days of governance by village elders but there is still a general expectation to uphold many of the traditional customs. For better or for worse, they still play a major role in social conduct and are significantly embedded in the Yoruba identity.

But with this emerging ‘disrespectful generation’, cries for accountability and the increasing western influence in Nigeria, is the value we hold in our old customs and traditions shifting?

Is traditional respect culture something that Yorubas should continue to uphold? After all, “it’s just who we are.”

Or, is it time for change?

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This is the point at which I stop talking.

There is a lot of depth and nuance to this discussion that I am far too underqualified to delve into.

I am no sociologist and having spent the majority of my life outside of Nigeria, who am I to tell the culture how to behave?

I simply wanted to share my findings and put some thoughts out there.

This whole inquiry that I stumbled upon is so fascinating to me and it feels like I am barely scratching the tip of the iceberg.

Next week I will share a Yoruba proverb that frequently came up during this investigation as I draw this series to a close.