I’m pretty sure that at some point in everyone’s childhood they played pretend. Doctors, nurses, superheroes, spies…. The only limit was our imagination. But no matter your interest, whether you liked Power Rangers or Pepper Pig, there was one thing we all pretended to be, grown-ups. It could have been playing mums and dads or just imitating the actions of your elders. The concept of adulthood was a world full of amazing possibilities.

My eight-year-old self saw growing up to be a story of liberation. I would no longer be bound by the chains of an 8pm bedtime. I would be free to go where I wanted, whenever I wanted (which at that time would probably have been to the park and sweetshop. Yes, I had big dreams). I could bid adieu to the naysayers and live life as a wealthy baller in my mansion. Being an adult really seemed like a utopia, the only catch was the wait.

Well, last year I finally reached my dream destination, and it’s not quite as glamorous as I built it up to be in my eight-year-old mind. However, there is definitely one commonality between me in the present day and my young ‘grownup’ persona; I still feel like I’m playing pretend.

I think a lot of people my age feel that way. On paper, I have qualified for the upgrade from child to adult, but the title doesn’t quite fit me.

I started university last year, and I naively thought that it would give me a window into adulthood. I was living away from home and having to fend for myself. What I quickly learnt is that university, at least for the majority of undergraduates, is an intermission. From the way the vocal majority behave, university appears to be a really expensive way to delay responsibilities and having to deal with the real world. If you apply yourself in exam season you also get a degree as a bonus gift.

So, if uni wasn’t going to be my induction into being a proper adult, the time when I finally stop playing ‘grown-up’ and actually become one, when was it going to happen?

This was the question I was asking myself when I first set out to write this post. But, reflecting back on it I think my approach to the topic was wrong. My initial expectation of adulthood was that it would be another role in life that I would have to slip into. I did not come into this position by my own doing but instead by my mere existence, so I’d just have to adjust and adapt until I was comfortable with it. However, what I am slowly coming to realize is that my life isn’t just about trying my hardest to fit into certain titles (like daughter, sister, student, friend etc.) but it’s about beginning to make a conscious effort to tailor the titles to me. I’m no longer trying to fit into oversized school uniforms but starting to create my own outfits. Like my eight-year-old self, I am still using my thoughts and imagination to design my life, I just now have to work within certain parameters.

Charles R Swindoll said that he was convinced that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. From what I have seen of the world so far, life is kind of like an improv class. Different scenarios and obstacles are thrown your way and it’s your job to keep the performance going. At the core, you are still responsible for guiding the direction.

So, the important question isn’t about when I’m going to stop feeling like I’m playing pretend, but rather how I am going to adapt the fictional world of my imagining to the parameters of the real world to produce something fruitful.