Dear Ifeoluwa,

It’s been a while since I last wrote, so I thought it would be nice for me to check in and see how you’re doing. I’m glad to see that you didn’t drop out of uni to pursue the McDonald’s empire dream. I hope this fact remains true as you read this in the future. I can also see that you have taken some of my previous advice on board and I hope you continue to do so. Recently, I’ve been thinking a bit about you and have some things I’d like to discuss. Like before, I know I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, but I just want to remind you of a few things and encourage you.

Firstly, we need to revisit the issue of your hypercriticality. Now, I know it may seem a bit hypocritical to criticise you on your critical nature but hear me out. Ife, your critical mind is one of your greatest strengths, but it can also serve as a huge hindrance. Like everyone else, you have your own set of character flaws. This fact seems to be more apparent to you the more you engage with things outside your comfort zone. However, while it is good to be aware of your limitations, using them as an excuse to confine your life is detrimental. You need to stop overthinking every single action you have taken. I am aware this is easier said than done. So, every now and then if you do deem it necessary to create a mental backlog of your deficiencies, I suggest you add a bit of structure to it. Try and split it up into three categories: vices, weaknesses and traits.

Vices are the destructive characteristics that you want to work on eradicating. Weaknesses are areas in your life that you want to seek improvement. The key with these is to only focus on a couple of them at a time and not be too harsh on yourself. Otherwise, knowing you, you’ll get impatient, overwhelmed and make no progress. As for traits, these are features that irk you, but currently, you have no means and/or desire to change them. You are just going to have to embrace them an accept that they are part of what makes you who you are. In doing this, you are not just using your critique as evidence for why inaction is best, but instead, you are using the thought process to better yourself.

However, whilst doing all of this it is important to remember that; though you are awesomely flawed, it is the combination of those flaws and your strengths that allow you to possess greatness. And let’s be honest, if you were perfect, you would be extremely bored.

Secondly, I just wanted to encourage you to keep up your attempts to interact with others. It is no secret that socialising does not usually top your list of priorities. Generally, our rule for attending social occasions (especially those that involve groups) goes as follows:

1. Will we get fed?

If we are offered good food (especially good food that is free) we are already halfway to accepting the invite to an event.

2. Date and time

There is no point getting excited about food if we can’t attend the event.

3. Activity

How are we planning on passing the time when we are not eating? / If we’re not being fed, how will we be entertained?

4. Company

Who are we going to encounter whilst enjoying our meal and/or activity?

Even though, to a large extent, I still stand by our checklist and priorities, it is nice to see you making attempts to engage with others, regardless of the presence of food. We both know you have an innate desire for isolation, but you must remember that relationships are a fundamental aspect of life. So, it is integral that you are intentional in working to develop and maintain them. Also, you are someone who loves to debate and pick apart arguments. From my experience, this is a lot more fun and satisfying when more than one party is involved.

The final thing I want to say is that you should intermittently take time out to relish in the silence. When I say silence, I don’t just mean solitude. From time to time, you need to make a conscious effort to shut down your mind and revel in the quiet. I think it is important that everyone does this, but it is especially important for someone who spends as much time wrapped up in their own head as you do. The fast pace and noisy nature of life is something that can be physically and mentally exhausting. So, it is essential that you have moments of calm and levity, especially during stressful and challenging times. I promise you, even in the most trying times, there are small things to be enjoyed. You just have to take a step back from your current circumstance and find them.

Now, most of what I’ve said here is aimed at you in the present (i.e. the Ifeoluwa in March 2019), but knowing the cyclical nature of your behavioural patterns, and life in general, I have a feeling these words will still be applicable to you in the future.

I hope some of what I’ve said will be of help and encouragement to you now and later on. If not, that’s on you.

You are doing pretty well so far, and I have high hopes for you.

As always, I wish you the best.

Love you,

Ifeoluwa