“Develop five really good positive things to say about yourself and be able to back them up with evidence”

This was a task given to me earlier this week. It was part of a personal development program that I was attending. At face value, the assignment seemed simple enough. Not to brag but I’m pretty great. I have flaws, I will forever be a ‘work in progress’, but I like who I am. So, I was surprised to find that when challenged with complimenting myself, I really struggled. It was a really hard mental exercise. It made activities like trying to understand ‘high speed dynamic mechanical spectroscopy’ seem like child’s play. I was unable to complete the task and the follow-up assignments in the given time slot. It took two days of reflection to come up with my list of 5 things. During that time, I was frustratedly asking myself, why did I find it so tough?

The program allowed for some discussion of this question with my peers and there were a few theories raised. The difficulty could have stemmed from a lack of self-belief, comparison with others or a fear of coming across as arrogant. We also talked about the brain’s negative bias, which is further encouraged by many of our social interactions thriving on complaints and mutual commiseration. For me, personally, the main hinderance was the foreignness of the thought process.

I am a very reflective person; it’s a very important learning tool. It shows me how far I’ve come, things I have done well and things I’d like to improve upon. However, while I view challenges to be part of a continuum, I tend to consider successes as discrete events. For example, if I underperform in an activity, it highlights to me that I have a weakness in a certain area, and unless I take action, the weakness will remain. However, if I were to achieve a good grade in an exam, I would process that as an ability to diligently study at that particular point in time. I applaud my past self for the achievement, but there is a mental disconnect between her and myself. Hence, I don’t view the ability to work hard as a reflection of my present character, but rather as a past event that I aspire to repeat. Consequently, when I had to find positive things to say about myself with supporting evidence, I struggled. I couldn’t connect my historical accomplishments with my present self. It was a peculiar realisation, especially given that I would never use that line of reasoning to measure others. It’s a flawed logic that I need to better.

This experience really highlighted how differently we process the positive and negative, especially when it comes to self-analysis. From what I’ve witnessed amongst my peers, there is a real need to acknowledge your positive traits, take pride in them and use them to lift you up. The perception of our own character and capabilities guides our trajectory, and why should you hinder yourself, when there is a world full of uncertainties to do that for you.

In the wise words of my sister, “Who’s gon’ hype you up if you don’t yourself?”